Let’s walk together to help make sense of the confusion and ease the devastating pain.

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Welcome to the sisterhood no one wants to join.

Since you are reading this, I’m assuming you have discovered pornography use or some other type of sexual betrayal in your primary relationship. I am so incredibly sorry for the intolerable pain you are experiencing.

Whether you have discovered pornography or other types of sexual betrayal, they all have the same impact on you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I am equipped to help you move from the devastating pain to sanity, stability, and healing. Together, you will be reminded of your strengths.  We will do all of this while firmly hanging onto the hem of Jesus’ garment.

Bonny Burns

Bonny Burns

Strong Wives founder and APSATS certified partner coach

If you are tired of feeling completely broken from pain, walk with me. I understand your rawness because I’m a betrayed partner, too. You’ve experienced great loss, but loss does not define you.  In fact, I want to help you discover that you have the heart of a warrior.

My coaching services are appropriate if you answer yes to any of the following.

  • Have you discovered your spouse or fiance using pornography or using sexual venues or services to “act out?” (Acting out describes when an individual is behaving in an impulsive and unrestrained way, in this case sexually. The behaviors usually go against the values of the marriage covenant.)
  • You want to save your marriage.
  • You’re not sure if you want to save your marriage.
  • You want the pain to stop and feel a sense of stability, again.   

Mission Statement

The mission of Strong Wives is to help you overcome the devastating impact of sexual betrayal through growth into a woman who is powerful with determination, confident with discernment, and compassionate through the love of Christ through coaching and education with Bonny Burns and resources she trusts.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear [or timidity], but of power and of love and of sound mind [or self-discipline],” 2 Timothy 1:7.

Beginning Your Journey:  First Steps

How do you navigate the fury and agony of newly found betrayal from porn use or sex addiction?  Will the pain of discovery ever end?  You feel humiliated and duped.  Where do you turn?  Who can you talk to about how to navigate these uncharted waters?  What are the first steps to take toward finding wholeness and stability?  These questions and more are answered here.

Making Progress:  Give Yourself Permission to Grieve and Heal

Mourning the marriage you thought you had is normal.  Grieving is an important part of healing. 

Eventually, understanding your value as a uniquely crafted woman is essential to build the strength you are going to need.  Understanding the power of a wife is necessary to build the kind of strength you need.  You see, God has given you a purpose that few ask for.

Seeing the Future:  Rise Above

It takes time, but many wives eventually reach a point where they are ready to create a new relationship with their husband.  Part of this process involves learning how pornography affects a marriage relationally and the viewer biologically.  When you learn about how porn works, you will see it has very little to do with sexual intimacy.  Through this knowledge and the power of the gospel, you can rise above the plague of pornography.

Advanced Healing:
Reaching Out to Help Women in Bondage

After you’ve been on this journey for a long while, you begin to see things from a new perspective and want to extend the love of Jesus.

Be aware the information on the next page may be triggering, proceed with caution.

Your discovery has been recent and you don’t know next steps? Listen to this podcast. It was developed specifically to walk you through the process of recovery. Start with the first episode. The three co-hostesses are betrayed wives and specially trained in this field.

Hope Rises

“In all experience, there is something to be learned.
In deepest sorrow, wisdom is found.
In the well of despair, hope rises,”
Juliet Marillier.

“But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,” Psalm 33:18.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

 

– Ephesians 6:10-12.

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.

 

– 2 Corinthians 10:4.

Now we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this surpassingly great power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on all sides, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.

 

– 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

When God decided that it was not good for Adam to be alone, He stated, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make a help-meet (ezer k'negdo) for him” (Genesis 2:18). Literally translated, this means a helper-against him, seemingly a term that contradicts itself. For most people, the idea of ezer, helper, is obvious. However, helping does not mean always agreeing. Sometimes a spouse has to force an issue, be tenacious, and push the partner to do the right thing. This may mean simply discouraging a spouse from wasting time/money, or something far more significant. This is what a partnership is all about.

~ This is what being a strong wife is all about. 

 

Rise, Strong Wife

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Keep Rising, Friends!

     Why hot air balloons?

Although the thought of skydiving makes me nauseous, rising in a hot air balloon speaks serene exhilaration to me.  The beautiful view of an expansive perspective, so different from our minimal view when on the ground, helps me find courage that there is so much more to what we see on the surface of our lives.

I see similarities between the path of a wife growing strong after discovery and the ascent of a hot air balloon.  A balloon starts out as a deflated mass of fabric laying on the ground waiting for the captain to fill her with air.  This is not unlike the deflation you felt when his betrayal hit you in the gut.

The captain readies the envelope of fabric for flight by filling the emptiness.  Slowing down and caring for yourself, after discovery, helps you regain stability.  It allows you to process grief, mourning the loss of trust.  Eventually, God’s love and care lifts you back onto your feet, like warm air lifts the fabric.  Little by little, if you allow yourself, you start to feel a bit of hope rise to the surface.  God will not let the pain of this betrayal destroy you.  In fact, God will use this situation to help you become more and more like Christ, if you let him. You find your worth in Christ alone and know that boundaries are biblical.

When you are ready to learn more about the science that fuels pornography, how it manipulates brain chemistry, you will start to see a bigger picture.  Just like hot air balloons rise, hope can rise to the surface of our demoralized hearts.  We rise above to see life from a new perspective, God’s perspective.

God’s perspective is expansive and multi-dimensional.  Strong Wives’ eyes are opened to many things, but especially the spiritual predator slinking around their marriages (just as Elisha saw spiritual warfare all around him in 2 Kings 6).

~ Bonny

See yourself and your marriage from a different vantage point.

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